I have always wanted and somewhat felt the need to share some of my life story, as over the years the 100's of conversations I have had with people the more I see certain similarities.. We all feel pain and stress over our lives but we dont all know how to deal with it, or let alone realise it is even a problem?!...
4 times a year, for the last 15 years, I get a text or call from my mum or sister reminding me it would have been dad or my brother Sam's birthday or anniversary of their passing... Every year that text effects me in a different way..I can't tell you how many times I try to unread that text every time I get it though...
After moving to Sydney late 2016 from NZ, and loving every moment, I started to feel more at peace with my body and mind.. These positive changes combined with my emotions on my late Brothers Birthday then turned into me writing the below post.
From having over 1000 likes, over 200 comments, and countless inbox messages including about 10 admitting to shedding tears in public places, it showed how many hearts it opened and emotions it trigged from inside the reader's feelings... It's funny what being shameless and authentic can bring into your world...but how do you live in that world more often?...
May 10, 2017, Randwick Library
Sharing your heart opens hearts…
Today would have been my brothers 40th Birthday. He was 27 when he died at home, with me kneeling over him on his bed, holding his hand for his last breaths with tears rolling down my face. Our family dog Harry was lying next to him, with one paw on his arm, my mother, sister and a couple of others were standing and sitting in the room quietly and sharing any last messages, mine was, that I love you and I will see you again. It was a sad day, but it was out of our control and he was at peace finally. He fought Leukemia on and off for 12 years and went into remission three times, the last time was when he was in London. Sam didn't give up on life easy, not till he was ready. Why would he, he was having a good time!!
Only a year before this our Dad had died also. He was a Tetraplegic for the last 5 years of his life after breaking his neck body surfing with myself and Sam. We pulled him to shore gave him CPR till help came. Not being able to breathe on his own, paralyzed from the neck down and needing 24h care it was a tough gig for a sporty person an entrepreneur, family man and someone who loved to travel.
The last 15 years for me personally have been a fun and hard journey. A few years ago I hit a wall not knowing what was wrong, I definitely wasn't the Ben Bowie I knew I could be. I wasn't happy, stuck in a business that drained my soul, stuck in my thoughts, hated my birthdays, couldn't hold down a relationship to save myself. All that cool stuff. It’s taken me 10 years and hitting a wall to really realise the impacts it's had on me combined with other factors to learn even down to a cellular level what it all means.
I have one lesson I want to share today while I write this from a local Sydney library with watery eyes thinking of Sam, realising how much I would love to see him again, hear his humour and brotherly advice. He was always a ‘little bit’ more mature than me...Maybe it's ironic I’m at the library.
If something is not feeling quite right (you will know), you are not bouncing out of bed in the morning, you haven’t been to the gym for 9 months but you know you want to, you are reactive, get upset about other people's opinions, full of self-doubt, low self-esteem, get anxiety, you don't keep in touch with important people in your life, you stopped playing that sport you love, trying to please everyone, you haven't started that business you wanted to because you're scared of failure or being judged, scared to quit your job, you don't eat healthy when you know you should, you, you, you… It's the micro-moments that lead to macro moments. These are signals that your body and mind are giving you. I blocked mine out thinking it was just life. To be honest, I didn't even know who I was most of the time, I was just living. Please don't ignore these messages, learn about them, understand them, reach out for help and get back on your game so you don't have to hit a wall before you realise 10 years have gone by. Fast track your learning, life has too much to offer to be bouncing around at 50%. If you don't change anything, nothing changes.
I know how many people need to hear this like I did because of the 100’s of people I meet and talk to. Everyone has their own battle, and each is as big or little as yours in his or her own way. Happiness is when what you think, what you do, what you feel and what you say are in harmony. The smaller the gap between them the stronger your flow.
Here’s to you, Sam.
Essentially, this site is just a bit of fun, but due to the life situations, I have been through has drawn a challenging 20 years. The past 5 years specifically I have had to really dig deep do a lot of research, visit a physiologist, speak to friends, read books, punch a wall or two, drink a few beers all to find answers as to why I wasn't the Ben Bowie I wanted to be or knew I could be. Why am I feeling like this, why am I overthinking conversations I have had, why am I confused, why do I keep starting new business I am not interested in, what have I missed out on in life by losing my dad and brother, how is my family handling it, are we normal.....
I can actually remember back 17 year's at uni when I first felt the effects of loneliness and unsettled even among many close friends.. Back then I had no idea what it was or that anything was wrong... Goddam I wish I had thought.. I would have loved to have dealt with it then.. but how was I to know I had something I needed to fix. It turns out loosing my two role models to me was losing my rocks, and support system.. However, in my mind, nothing had changed except I had lost my dad and brother... That's how I tried to view it anyway. I was invincible after all.
I created this site to share some content and pieces of life I know or have learnt through my own deep dives into humans and my own life journey.. Nothing too technical at all. We are amazing at overthinking and over complicating life and situations.. This is about bringing a lighter and simpler view on everyday situations, as light or heavy as they may be.
Life is simple till we complicate it. Usually, about the time when we go to school and are put into subjets, we have no interest in. It kind of sets you up for accepting status quo, and that other people know best, developing tendencies to care about others opinions so much, thinking you are meant to do as you are told or by trying to please others too much.
Thinking for yourself, taking control of 100% of your own life is part of your job as a human... part of that is training yourself to not be confused by your conflicting subconscious thoughts.
This site is still in part still of my own journey and self-fulfilment. Writing this will probably allow me to gain even more insights into myself too. However, It's a way for me to give back to other people and the world I have for many years taken for granted. I have learned a lot of hard lessons, but I want to turn them into a positive and not have them just be lessons for me.
Something I firmly believe in is fast-tracking your learning.. e.g Understanding simple life hacks and knowledge you potentially could have learnt 10 years ago if someone just told you in the right way. However you can be told something 10 times over and you still won't 'get it' or actually understand its meaning until the timing was right, or the message was clear enough for your way of learning...
I hope you enjoy my insights/humour/informative content and at times random vlogs. As really I'm just getting my thoughts down for you to enjoy and make use of in your own daily life... So I do hope my writing and videos can provide the life insights my lack of awareness or direction at times in life didn't provide me.